WARNING. Sort of. This is YAOI, meaning two men will be having relationships...or something ungodly similar. Don't be too afraid unless men in SHORT SHORTS! (Not really.) turn you off. The purple spike that reminds me of Ed's hair tells me to tell you to tell your mom and your dad to tell your aunt to tell your dead grandma to tell the bum named Joey on the street to tell you AGAIN that if you don't want to continue further because you dislike the idea of two penises collided to form a giant whole that will conquer Tokyo with it's testicles then you should STOP READING NOW.

For those that don't care, proceed on and enjoy Roy/Ed goodness. ~Kris

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Sugoi! Pineapple Panties! by: Kris
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"This is some sick joke or otherwise taunting situation at my height, isn't it?" Edward Elric grunted at Roy Mustang. The older, taller colonel exposed that smirk of his at the expense of the shorter Ed, who made that amusing face of discontent and annoyance Roy loved so, so much.

"Maybe," Roy replied, rising to his feet to confirm he did, indeed, tower over the soldier. "Maybe so, however I'm only asking this as a favor for one day."

"Bah!" The blonde waved a hand at him, dismissing himself from the man's office. "I'm not your toy! You just can't use me!" He managed to make it to the office door before he heard the horse clearing his throat.

"Well, technically, Fullmetal, I can use you, seeing as I'm of higher rank. Therefore, I'm making this an order, not a request." The boy didn't turn back to him, hand gripping the door knob, which pleaded for it's life as Ed was ready to rip it off.

It's pleas went unheard. "NAAAAANNNNNNNIIIII?!" The blonde roared, turning back to Roy. For a moment his golden eyes of fire made him seem taller...but that was only for a moment. He went right back to being a midget the next time he spoke. "If you were just going to order me to do it, why even put me through the frustration of asking?"

Roy scoffed. "Well, I thought I'd be nice and at least ask before I went and gave an order." Ed scrambled to gather his thoughts but miserably failed. He dropped the door knob he murdered and swung the door open further to charge out in defeat with his head held high. Roy cocked his head as the other went off, hearing his curses right down the hall. He sat back in his chair and looked at the ceiling with a small sigh and a devious smile.

~*~*~

"Niisan?" Alphonse's voice rang in. Ed looked over to his suit of armor brother, who, if he had a face, would be staring at him worried. "Niisan, you've been acting strange since you came back from--"

"Don't say that creature's name around me!" Ed snapped, falling onto the closest object he could lay on: a couch. "He can go to Hell."

"Niisan..." Clank, clank went the armor as Al made his way to sit near his brother. "What happened?" Ed's golden eyes looked up with malice, which would've otherwise made his younger brother shudder. "Niisan, I didn't do anything! Don't give me that look.." Al cowered. Ed sighed and gave a small smile, sitting up and back against the couch.

"Gomen, Al.." Ed stared at his brother for what seemed ages before speaking once again. "The colonel asked me a favor. I said no so he made it an order." Al proceeded to listen. "It's embarrassing."

"What, Niisan?" The younger was obviously intrigued and curious. "What was the favor?"

"Order! ("Gomen. Order." Al rang in.) He.." his cheeks turned red. "He wanted me to dress in drag."

"Niisan?!" Al jerked back, holding back his temptation to laugh as much as possible. However, despite his efforts, snickering broke through. "A woman? Niisan?" Al gave in and laughed. With this, Ed made to kick Al's head right off him, but the brother remained laughing, even as he caught Ed's leg from cracking him one. The older brother squirmed to get him to let go, which Al did right away. His laughter slowed and he sighed.

"Now that you're done being amused at my expense..." Ed cleared his throat. "He wants me to..marry him." Ed grunted.

"MARRY HIM, NIISAN?!" Al continued his surpressed laughter, unable to stop himself. If Ed's eyes didn't look murderous, Al more than likely would've died for the next hour. However, piercing gaze getting uncomfortable, Al stopped and listened. "You're serious."

"Hai..." Ed moaned. "Here's what he said."

(For some reason, I couldn't just WRITE this part. Please visit the websites provided. They tell the story!)

( mywebpage.netscape.com/Setekhi/FMA-RoyxEdFic1-1.jpg )

Al stared at the drawing, wondering why his brother bothered to do so. He looked to his niisan. "Why are you taller than the Colonel?"

"URUSAI!*" Ed snapped at Al as he continued. (*Urusai: Shut up! or Be quiet.)

( mywebpage.netscape.com/Setekhi/FMA-RoyxEdFic1-2.jpg )

"I would turn him down, too," Al muttered. "But..why you?"

"Let me finish!" Ed yelped, scratching more on the paper.

( mywebpage.netscape.com/Setekhi/FMA-RoyxEdFic1-3.jpg )

Al stared, still disbelieving, and looked to Ed yet again. "Niisan..you can't really go through with this!"

"He ordered me to do it!" Ed scoffed. "Why me? There has to be more feminine men in the military." The brothers slowly lifted their eyes from the paper and looked at each other.

( mywebpage.netscape.com/Setekhi/FMA-RoyxEdFic1-4.jpg )

"Okay, maybe not.." Ed grumbled. Al nodded in agreement, hands over his helmet in fear.

"It's blinded my soul, niisan.." Al whined.



For the next hour, the two sat in silence, Ed moping in his own dark cloud and Al trying to find a way to get him out of it. Finally, with no idea in mind, Al spoke up.

"Niisan, what do you do now?" Ed's melancholy stare rose from the depths of the cloud to give his little brother attention.

"I found out what size shoes I wear in women's.." Ed mumbled. Al sighed.

"Poor niisan.." After a few more moments of silence, a knock came to their room door. Ed grunted at it, which told Al to get the door. The younger sighed again and stood up, clanking toward the door to greet whoever was there with a dismissal. As he opened the door and gave a look out, he yelped. "Co--"

Roy moved past Al to look into the room. Over his arm was several articles of clothing and under the other was a couple boxes. "Where's Edward?"

"Niisan doesn't want to--"

"Edward!" Roy was already crouching before his seat with a smile. "So glad you're here!" Ed simply stared off, as if Roy hadn't even entered the room in such a cheerful, sickening composure. Al closed the door slowly, trying to figure out how Roy got past him as the said man put the clothing down on the table behind him. Ed's gloomy aura had toned down due to curiousity.

"What's all that?" he asked softly, sitting up straight. Roy turned around, arms up and a long flowing light red dress pressed against him. It was too short for his height, but coincidentally enough was a near perfect size for Edward himself. The gloom wasted no time in returning with a new companion: growling. Ed jumped up from his seat and began to walk away, Roy's eyes following.

"Edward! Where're you going? You need to try these on!"

"NO!" Ed screamed back and slammed the door to the bathroom he wandered into. Roy made the dress dance a little before drawing his arm out and snapping his finger at the door, burning it to ashes in an instant. Ed stood over the toilet, unbuckling his belt and stopping just in time to look over at them. Roy grinned and flung the dress at Edward, walking back for the room door as it clung to the blonde's head. Roy grabbed Al's arm at the last minute, dragging him out of the room as well. The younger followed, not willing to disobey the officer.

Once the two were out, Roy leaned back in, Ed slightly wobbling like a sapling with the dress still over his head. (Ed: Sapling? -.-+) "Call us when you're done!" And the door snapped shut. Ed tore the cloth from his head and stared at it. He heard the door click open again. "That's an order!" Snap.

"BASTARD!" Ed shouted after him and began to pull his clothing off, growling and cursing right to the nude.

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And that's chapter 1! :D I'm not very good with long chapters, usually, but I suppose this is a good start. Hope you enjoy it so far. :D! I'll be trying to get chapter 2 up in the next few days. ~Kris